Why do professors feel the need to force them upon us? No one EVER has a good experience. So why must such torture be inflicted upon us? I have three, yes THREE group projects to finish in the next two weeks. I have one tomorrow, one the next day, and a group final.  I met like a billion times for one group and we never got anything accomplished. We met last night, distributed the work, sent all to one guy by 10 tonight, and he's going to put it all together for us by 11. Well, it's 10:42 and I don't see him getting it out on time. Even though we present tomorrow at 9:30 AM!!! Ughhh... these things are always soooo freaking stressful.  Then, I have another presentation on Wednesday. My partner was supposed to email all his stuff to me over Thanksgiving break so that I could put it in the powerpoint. Did he? No. Of course not. Because that would be asking wayyyy too much of my partner.  Instead, I worked on it for over 3 hours because I have no life and would much rather spend my break working rather than sleeping. Yeah. Awesome. And, I left him in charge of putting all of our information together in paper format. I don't think I trust him with that, so I'll probably wind up doing that, also. Sweet. Then... I have a 9 page GROUP paper due for a final in my legal ethics class. How the fuck do you write a "group" paper. I'll tell you how. We each write three pages and mash them together. How is that even "group" work? Gay.

So, I think I've figured it out. No matter how much we beg, bitch, and moan to get out of group papers, professors will always assign them. Do you know why? Because then they get to grade one thing and give 3-6 people the same grade. Professors = Slackers.

Hope everyone else's last few weeks are going better than mine.

Comment and I'll give you a letter.
Then you have to list ten things you LOVE that begin with that letter.
Afterward, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.

Anjie gave me the letter B.

1. Bubblegum: There's nothing better than big bubble contests!
2. Blaring my music in the car when I'm stuck in traffic going to work.
3. Boys Like Girls: yeah, yeah. corny boy band for high school girls - whatever. I like them.
4. Brad Paisley: most amazing country singer ever! I'm on a country music kick lately, too. :] (shut up, Liz.)
5. Bobby Bones: in the morning - funniest radio show.
6. Barbecue: I'm from Texas! (and Elgin - famous for it - no less) I would be shot if this weren't on the list.
7. Bible: recently returning to church, and I love it.
8. Bottled Water: liquid in a portable jug makes me happy.
9. Brownies: can you say yum?
10. Bubble Baths: super relaxing, but I don't feel safe sitting in my apartment's tub. (I don't know who's been in it!). So, I'll save that for home.

Thanks for contributing to my procrastination for two nights in a row, Anjie! You're the greatest! :]

We've been in classes for what? 3 weeks now?  I already have my first exam next Tuesday.  It's for my Chemical Dependency Issues class which is a total waste of my time.  I don't understand anything that comes out of my professor's mouth and the assignments feel like busy work.  I haven't learned anything, so what am I supposed to be tested over.  Other than that, I have two classes with Richter this semester, and i think I'm starting to get sick of her.  These are my fourth and fifth classes that I've taken of her's, and I can't stand her teaching style.

Other than that, I guess things are going okay.  Although, sometimes I do feel like I'm drowning.  Taking six classes and working 45-50 hours a week can't be healthy.  I'm on campus from 9-4 every day and then I work at Sears from 5-9:30.  When do I do homework, you ask? I try to take care of as much as I can on those two random days I get off from Sears.  I'm starting to stress out, and it isn't fun.  

I'm starting to worry about Doug, too.  Although we just passed the 18 month mark, we barely see each other except for on the weekends.  On the weekdays that I have a break between classes, he's at work, and not even on campus.  Just my luck, right?  I worry that he's going to get sick of me never being around.  I guess I just have to keep faith that he won't.

Let's see... In addition to all that, my living situation isn't too fun either.  I barely know my roommate and rarely are we here at the same time.  Even when we are, she's in her room with the door shut. I miss having someone around to talk to.  I've come to realize how much I need that.  I also feel like I do pretty much everything around here.  When he talked about what we would each bring, she said she'd bring the couch, a dining room table, and the microwave and I would bring the dishes and other kitchen necessities.  What did she bring, you may ask? The couch. I brought the shower curtain and everything else in the bathroom, the blender and toaster, all the dishes we have, the barstools, the tv, the tv stand, etc.  We still have no microwave nor a kitchen table. And I've come to the conclusion that I won't get them.  She said she would, so she needs to get on that.  I don't have the money to spend anymore and that isn't fair. Ugh... she's so frustrating. I want a new roommate. asap.

So, that's the update on the life of april. Fun times, right?

So, I hate to push this emotional mess onto whomever decides to read it, but I need to talk it out with someone before it kills me.

I very rarely think of my extended family.  I have two of my cousins as friends on myspace and facebook, but that's about as close as we ever get.  Today I found out that my grandfather (on my dad's side) was teaching my cousin Abbi how to carve.  Not a big deal, you may think, but it is quite the contrary.  My granddad is quite an amazing old carver - he teaches classes and competes and basically is really good.  My brother is doing the boyscout thing right now and asks my granddad everytime we see him if he'll teach Daniel.  He never has.

I also found out that my grandmother (on my dad's side, as well - divorced from the above mentioned granddad) went out to Tennessee or Kentucky or wherever to visit that same cousin - Abbi.  This would also not be a big deal, except for the fact that she can managed to move several states away to visit her, however cannot make the four hour drive to see us.

I could continue to go on and on about my family issues, however I'll spare you the details.  In essence, my family sucks.  I often contemplate how things would be different if my dad were still here.  It seems to me that the family can skip over us since their son/brother isn't here anymore.  I guess we're not important enough.  How childish is that, though?  How unfair!  It isn't our fault.  And it just sucks that my brother and I will never know that kind of relationship with our family - our own blood relatives. 

Whatever. We don't need them.  Just remember, assholes, you won't be getting an invitation to my wedding or my brother's graduation.  If you can't fit us into your lives, we won't fit you into ours. And I won't feel the least bit guilty, either.

I just had a panic attack.

After this school year, I will be nearly $12,000 in debt from school loans alone.
How the hell am I supposed to afford that?
And a place to live?
And my $200.64 per month car payment?
And my $75+ phone bill?
And $40 per week in gas?
And I still have at least another $4000 to add to my school loans for my last year of college.

Life sucks.
A lot.

I just had an absolutely amazing afternoon.  It's about freaking time.  I have never ever for the year and however many months I have worked at sears had a day this good. Why today? Maybe God decided that my life shouldn't be his personal joke anymore. Or maybe he finally decided to take pity on my. Whatever the reason, I'm glad.

1. I got asked out today. Random, yes, and it happens all the time. But each time it does happen, it gets better and better.  Let's start from the beginning, yes? New young man at work - twenties, I assume, and has a super sexy truck. Meet once in the breakroom and he seems nice enough.  Meet second time in the breakroom. This time is different, though. I arrive first, and he follows. "Hey. I just saw you walk in here and I wanted to say 'hi,' so hi. Can I have a cheeto? Okay, well, that's it. See you later." (It's at this point that one discovers he isn't just friendly... that's borderline stalkerish if you ask me and he was sending some serious signals.)  So, I see him for the third or fourth time at 9:30 tonight when we are all bored out of our minds because only associates are left in the store and it should have closed an hour and a half ago.  "Hey (insert small talk here, laughter, jokes, etc). So.... *awkward silence* Do you want to do something sometime?.... (me "ummm... well,....") Or do you have a boyfriend?" Well, yes, I do. And how vague is it to say "something sometime?!!!"  "Oh, so... is it a new relationship or what?"  No, it isn't. We've actually been dating for over a year, thanks.  So, I respectfully decline any sort of romantic notions that he may have, but offer a friendship.  It's clear he doesn't want that at all. He quickly lost interest after realizing I was committed and wasn't going anywhere.  Not even close. So, he makes more small talk and leaves. Now I will never have another normal conversation with him again, because in his head (a man's head) I am no longer a normal human being, but just a girl he'll never get. And so ends fun time number one. :)

2.  I work with a woman whose husband is about to have a hernia fixed.  He had a couple other procedures done and they met their deductible and decided to get him a vasectomy, as well.  So, she asked their doctor for some recommendations for a surgeon to do the vasectomy.  The first name on the list? Dr. Chop. And not just any Dr. Chop. but Dr. Richard Chop.  For those of you that might be slower than others... Dr. Dick Chop. Yeah, he does vasectomies.  haha. :)

3. Fun part number 3? - I got a new job! Hooray! Not just any job either. You are reading the words of the newest face in Loss Prevention.  That's right, bitches. Shoplifters beware! April's going undercover and watching your every move on camera. Suck that!! I am soooo stoked. Woohoo!!!  My job will kick ass and I can't wait to start... I just have to get out of the other job I was supposed to transfer to (oops... I left that little detail out. ha.)

Just thought I'd throw all that out there since I haven't posted in a while.  To the two of you that may or may not read this (Anjie and Liz), we need to all do something together soon. Congratulations on the kitten, Liz, and an even bigger congrats to Anjie - graduation in a couple weeks. Chicka Chicka Yeah!! :)

Peace.
April

Let me walk you through my day. This way, the next time I bitch about how much my life sucks right now, you'll understand why.

5:50am: Alarm goes off.
6:20am: Alarm goes off for the 7th time and I actually get out of bed
6:21am: Shower
6:30am: Clothing, Hair, Get my shit together.
7:00am: Walk out of the door
7:15am: Sit in traffic at the same light for 20 minutes
7:40am: Sit in traffic on IH35 trying to get onto the upper deck when I should be there already
8:00am: Arrive on campus
8:05am: Compose myself and get ready to sit for an hour at the coffee shop wasting my time (technically it's office hours, but no one will ever come - and I have an hour of sleep lost for it)
9:00am: Go to the Undergraduate Admission office to begin my service as the Tour Guide Coordinator - answering various phone calls, setting up tours, and other things that involve lots of e-mail and data entry.
10:00am: I'll give the first tour every once in a while so this is when I'll do that.
11:30am: Get back to the office from my tour and grab some water - then do it all over again
12:00pm: Most likely give the second tour - we don't have many guides over the summer, you know.
1:30pm: Get back to the office after my tour and realize that Texas heat sucks when you stand directly in it. Then I die of heat exhaustion and get brought back to clean up the mess.
1:35pm: Arrive in Fleck Hall 315 to hold a Study Session that once again no one will show up to. Another hour of my time wasted.
2:20pm: Leave Fleck to go to my third job and sit in traffic some more.
2:30pm: Turn from Woodward onto the the IH35 access road, see the traffic, cry, and merge onto the freeway
2:45pm: Think to myself that I need to quit all of my jobs and sleep more.
3:00pm: Arrive at Sears and complain that I need to go home
4:30pm: Take my 15 minute break and guzzle some sort of beverage and bitch some more that we aren't allowed to keep drinks with us while we're working.
4:50pm: Go back to work after being scolded that I took an extra five minutes (excuse me that I've been moving since 6 this morning and I wanted to sit for a minute.)
7:00pm: Take my half hour lunch break and realize it's the first chance I've had to eat all day.
10:00pm: Make the store closing announcement and bitch that the people in the store need to go home.
10:30pm: Close the last register and leave - cue the call to mom about how much I hate my job and that I'm going to quit tomorrow (and then I never will)
10:40pm: Call Doug and listen to him describe the many interesting things he did that day.  He'll then ask what I did and I simply reply, "work."
11:05pm: Arrive home to a dark house where everyone's already sleeping.
11:15pm: Pajamas, wash face, brush teeth.
11:30pm: Pack food for the next day and all the other necessities
11:45pm: Set alarm and sleep
REPEAT UNTIL FRIDAY
**Saturday and Sunday are composed of working 6-8hours per day at Sears.
***Repeat from beginning until August 25 when school starts.

Next time you think your day is long, just stop. I know I got myself into this mess, and I therefore have no right to complain as much as I do. However, it really does suck and I feel like there is no way out.  I feel like everyone is depending on me, and I can't let people down.

I'm such a pushover.

So, lately I've been listening to the band Metro Station. like a LOT. I actually paid for their CD on itunes and everything!  I finally took the time to google them the other day and look at pictures of them and whatnot. They're so totally emo that it's ridiculous. They've got the hardcore side part and funky hair colors and all that jazz.  Whatever, though. I'm willing to look past that due to the fact that their music makes me want to jump on my bed in my underwear. What can I say? It puts me in a good mood.

However, there is something that I just can't get past.  I was listening to the Bobby Bones Show the other day, and M.S. was on it. Okay, I guess I'm willing to share this band with the rest of the world even though it frustrates me when 12 year olds overtake the bands that I like.  However, when they were being interviewed on this radio show, I found out that two of the members of this band are related to cast members of hannah montana - WHAT!?!?! LAME!!!  I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.  The lead singer is actually the half brother of Miley Cyrus and some other kid is the brother of the Musso kid that plays hannah montana's long-haired wanna be skater kid friend.

I'm so disappointed.

I guess I shouldn't judge them by who their related to. At least these guys have some talent.
:)

Why has Hannah Montana taken over the world. I just can't get away from her.

Yep. The end of the school year approaches.
I think this is both my favorite and least favorite time of the year.
I'm excited because school is ending, but there is so much left to do.
I need to pack in all my papers and final exams, and still hold down all the jobs.
I need to figure out how this whole summer thing is going to work out - as of now I will have three, yes THREE, jobs.
How is that going to work out?
Not well, I can tell you that right now.
Then I need to figure out what to do about a living situation for next year.
I think by the time I get my mom talked into an apartment, there won't be anything available for next year.
They'll all be full for the school year by the time she comes around.
I would do it without her, but I need a cosigner.
No bueno.
These are going to be the most stressful three weeks of the semester.
I'm not excited.

I just want it to be over with!

...if I apply to be the tour guide coordinator and I hate being a tour guide?

I'm just saying... if I got this job and was an SI instructor again next year, too, then I could seriously quit my job at sears. And I think I hate that job more than being a tour guide.

decisions, decisions.

I feel like such a waste of human being right now. This is the fourth day in a row that I haven't been feeling well, and it isn't cool. I never get sick. Sure, there are days when I don't feel completely up to par, but I never get completely, legitimately ill like this. I finally went to the doctor and he gave me some tylenol 3 with Codeine.  Great, that's just what I need. On top of not feeling good, I now sleep for hours on end. What perfect timing, too.  Spring Break and me and Doug's one year anniversary. Ten points for me.

Why does God hate me?

Liz claims that I need to write here more so that she has something to read.
... because the world totally revolves around liz and her needs.
... but mostly because i heart her a lot.
:)
However, I should remind you, Liz, that you and Anjie are the only people I know that have these things and I see you two on a regular basis.  Therefore, I rarely feel the need to write this down when I could simply talk to you when I see you on the futon or every other day in class.  But, since I've already started, I might as well finish, right?

I've finally decided that I'm quitting my job. Hooray! It's almost relieving, really.  I want a new job that pays better. One that I can look forward to when I have to get up at ungodly hours of the morning. I want to enjoy what I'm doing and who I'm doing it for instead of putting on a fake smile for eight hours and then being in a pissy mood for the rest of the day.  I hear Starbucks pays $10 hour, so maybe I'll go there.

I've also decided that I want to go to graduate school.  Well, I guess more particularly, Law School.  Whoa. The thought of it still scares me, but it's the only way I'll make a decent amount of money in my field.  I suppose I should start looking at schools, applications, taking the LSAT and all that good stuff, but I'm still so unsure.  Maybe I'll just go to grad school for something else.  In order to do that, though, I'd have to find a focus, and I have no idea what I would want to be.  I'm so indecisive. I guess if I change my mind I can always turn around and do something else, right? My fear is just that I will hate doing that forever, too.  I don't like school now so what makes me think that I'm going to want to do it for another 3 or 4 years? I guess it all depends on what school I go to, the environment, the professors, and all that other good stuff. 

Oh well, I don't have to figure out my life's plan all in one sitting right?

Feel better, Liz?
p.s. - I hope your knee isn't going to cause you too much trouble.  We'll find a way to get it all taken care of even if I have to carry you up and down the stairs every time you have to pee or change your clothes. :)

So, here's the thing:  (to borrow the now infamous phrase from a friend of mine)

I hate writing. It's always been that way.  Well, at least I thought so.  However, I've come to discover that I only hate writing when it's required of me.  When it isn't I could go on forever.  I can write pages upon pages and never really say anything of importance or I could discover something that is so significant, it could be life-changing -- but only if I want to.

That being said, I've decided to give one of these blog sites a try.  It feels like an opportunity to say what is on my mind without having to let the entire world in on it.  I can get my thoughts out to the few people I know with one of these blogs as opposed to the hundreds of people on facebook.  Obviously its not going to be a secret -- its posted on the internet.  But, I can still get your opinions without having to share with everyone.  This could turn out to be my new addiction.

-------

My boyfriend and roommate got into an argument today.  Well, I guess I wouldn't classify it as an argument, but more of a heated debate.  They (I guess "we" since I participated slightly, as well) discussed everything from money to family to school and everything else, and it really got me thinking.  Why do we do the things we do? Why do we put up with the things that we put up with? When you step back and take a look at yourself, what do you see? Does anything that you do really make you happy? 

Take my school as an example.  My opinion and taste for the school has seriously plummeted since I started coming here.  Sure, it seems like a nice place at first, and I guess it still is for some people.  Me, on the other hand, I hate it here.  As of right now, I have $76.56 left to pay for my food for the rest of the semester out of $525.  Last year I only spent about $500.00 all semester long.  I paid $90 for a parking permit last year and $110 for one this year.  When the parking lot next to my residence hall is full and there are commuters and people without permits parked there, friends and I have both called UPD to complain.  We ask where to go next. The response? Go pay $2 a day on top of your permit fee to park in the parking garage on the other side of campus because people don't understand the rules and there isn't enough space for everyone.  Students pay over $25,000 a year to attend this university and then it has the audacity to call up the families and alumni to ask for more money through donation during homecoming week.  On campus housing for juniors and seniors is limited to 50 spaces.  When you don't live on campus, your financial aid is cut and you can't get a meal plan to eat on campus (even though that isn't your fault because the space is so limited).  There is one dumpster for approximately 2 residence halls - the parking lot is always full of garbage and it is floating around in the trees and tarnishing the beauty of our campus.  There is one, I repeat ONE, full time professor for my major.  When I graduate, I will be at least $20,000 in debt with student loans alone and I can look forward to a salary of about $35,000 a year.

So why do I continue to do it? Why do I put up with it? Honestly, I have no idea.  I guess it all has to do with attitude.  I figure that if I keep looking at it in a positive light, maybe things will get better.  Maybe the university will suddenly realize how much it has robbed me and then give me something in return. Ha. Yeah right.  Maybe I think that if I complain enough to the right people, something will get fixed.  Maybe I think that if I keep working hard enough to keep my 4.0, the school will realize how much it needs me and give me more financial aid.  Oh, explain that one to me! A student with straight A's, a single mom, and a yearly income of about $30,000 can't get a decent scholarship, but athletes and camp students get a full ride (that's a whole separate story in itself).  I keep telling myself that if I keep a positive attitude, it will get better. Somebody, somewhere will take notice and I'll do something great with my life.  I'll go down in history or make it big for something, anything!  It's all about your attitude, I guess.

Or maybe it isn't.  Maybe I've just been kidding myself all along.